Stages of Loss

Stages of Loss

The following are feelings a dying person may experience. Please note these feelings do not hold true for everyone, nor is there a specific order or time frame. One may experience all, none, or some of these feelings.

Denial

Sometimes called shock, this is a buffer stage, characterized by isolation, which allows the person time to collect his/her strength in order to deal with the event. The phrase “No, not me” reflects this stage.

Anger

The denial may be replaced with feelings of anger and hostility. Patients often find relief in expressing this anger and it is frequently directed at the hospital staff. At times, it may be directed toward God. This anger is a statement of the emotional pain involved in acknowledging a serious illness. It is important for people to keep in mind that the anger is not truly directed at them. The phrase, “Why me? ” reflects this stage.

Bargaining

Trying to make a deal with God, with nature or life in general occurs, such as “If I can live, I will always be good.” This offer is not just from the one who is sick, but comes from the survivors also. The phrase, “Me, but only if…”reflects this stage. Promises are rarely kept, however.

Depression

This is the stage in which the patients are preparing themselves to accept the loss of everything and everyone they ever loved. The patient may be undergoing anticipatory grief for the final separation. In helping the patient undergoing depression, allow them to express their sorrow. This helps make final acceptance easier. The phrase, “Yes, me ” reflects this stage and continues over to the next is one.

Accepted

This stage does not mean the dying person is eager to go, or that the survivor is eager for him/her to go. In fact, the patient may appear devoid of feelings. There is usually a physical and social withdrawal and a tendency to be quiet for long periods of time, with a more peaceful affect than in the depression stage. “Yes, me ” persists.